A Grateful Heart

Thankfulness brings you to the place where the Beloved lives. – Rumi

The importance of gratitude is being recognized these days for its impact on both psychological and physical health.  The fact of the matter is that psyche and soma are not so separate.  Our thoughts (beliefs) influence our emotions which are intimately connected to our bodies.  There is a growing body of research confirming that what we think and feel directly influences our physical wellbeing.  Thoughts which lead to positive emotions promote a healthy immune response, generate healing capacities and make us feel good.  As Candace Pert, Ph.D. writes in Molecules of Emotion, “Hugs not drugs.” 

There is another side to the story however.  This idea of gratitude can be misused.  Should we be grateful to an employer who methodically underpays us?  How does one feel grateful to God when a child dies unexpectedly?  How about when someone we loved and trusted betrays us?  Unfortunately the list of examples could go on and on.  As Buddha reminded us, suffering is inherent in existence.  Certainly many of us use means like drugs, sex, gambling, etc. to distract ourselves from suffering, these means of coping, however, simply delay and increase the eventual suffering we have to face. 

When I was around nine years old my parents were devolving into serious “domestic violence.”  I work with this population now and realize how easily parents seem to believe that their kids are somehow unaware of what is going on.  Children are tuned into everything, both through their senses and through their intuition.  I had witnessed some severe fighting in the weeks before Christmas.  In fact, for our family Christmas get-together my mother had to use extra makeup to hide her bruises.  Relatives arrived and pretended not to notice.  At some point in the evening I became upset and retreated to my bedroom to sulk.  Sometimes as a child we never really know why we are upset.  I don’t remember my reasoning.  I just remember that my aunt came in and told what an ungrateful kid I was.  After that I declared a secret war on gratitude. 

Today I am grateful for my ungratefulness; for my soul-recognition that my family hid behind a veneer of bullshit.  We can’t use this idea of gratitude to deny our reality.  We can make an effort to identify and appreciate what is good in our lives.  However, we can’t gloss over the things that are not.  As we look around our world today, there is much to appreciate and much to address.  Gratitude doesn’t mean taking shit from anyone.  It doesn’t mean pretending inequality doesn’t exist.  Be grateful that the evolutionary intelligence gave you the ability to discriminate just from unjust, real from unreal, right from wrong. 

Gratefulness, forgiveness, love, etc. are wonderful and powerful emotions that serve us on mind-body-spirit levels.  If you are depressed it helps to refocus on what is positive in your experience.  If you are anxious, it helps to focus on where you feel secure.  As a joke I heard puts it though, “Just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.”  Be grateful for what is real.  Don’t let it become some illusion.