Enlightenment is
intimacy with all things. ~ Dogen Zenji
What
would it be like to be in a truly conscious or enlightened relationship? In order to answer this we must enter into
that experience ourselves. We must be
willing to let go of our ordinary notions which are based on attachment, object
relations and ego-identification. No
problem, right? Such relationship is
free from possessiveness, jealousy, control, dependence or codependence. A truly conscious being is complete within
herself. There is joy in sharing time
together but there is the recognition that these temporary forms that we assume
arise from and will return their source in pure Being. As Rumi says, “Lovers don’t finally meet
somewhere. They’re in each other all
along.”
Real
love is a kind of enlightenment, an awakening to a shared sense of being. Unfortunately we tend to pull back from this
into our defensive ego-positions. Where
there was unity and harmony we fall back into conflict, seeking to please or
control, deceit, blame and judgment. We
forget that we have shared the sacred universal force of love and start to
question, “is this person really meeting my needs?” Although we might stay together the pain of
our inner separation drives us further apart.
Love is ecstatic, powerful and empowering. In response the ego retreats in fear and defensiveness.
Enlightened
love begins with work on oneself. One
doesn’t need to change in the ordinary sense of “self-improvement.” Instead it is a process of self-acceptance
and self-inquiry. Instead of turning to
the objects of the world for self-confirmation and gratification, one turns
within to find one’s source. Meditation
is key. Meditation has been shown to
accelerate psychological development.
This means that with consistent ongoing practice it can take us into
higher stages beyond ordinary ego development.
It can help us to evolve. It can
move us into the possibility of conscious love.
The
Brihadaranyaka Upanishad tells the story of an ancient sage named Yajnavalkya
who reached a point in his spiritual development where he decided to renounce
his family and wealth and go into the forest to meditate in solitude. The purpose of the ascetic path, of course,
is transcendence. The ascetic seeks to
transcend the world of appearances; of name, form and change. His wife Maitreyi approached him and he
assured her that he would leave his considerable wealth to her, that she would
not be left in material need.
Maitreyi, it turns out was also
somewhat spiritually evolved. She asked
her husband, “Will wealth keep me from death?”
Yajnavalkya of course replied “No.
You will live and die as an ordinary rich person.” As we begin to awaken we start to realize
that all of the things that we seek and cling to in this world are very
temporary, whether wealth, fame, relationships or anything else. As the common saying goes: you can’t take it
with you.
Maitreyi asks her husband to share
the secret of immortality with her and he begins by explaining, “A wife loves
her husband not for himself but for the Self within. A husband loves his wife not for herself but
for the Self within.” We can easily
understand this on one level. We love
another person for how they make us feel.
When I encounter my beloved I feel a sense of inner ecstatic
delight. In the same way all of the
things that we love in life are basically triggers for an internal state which
we call love. On a deeper level this
feeling of ecstatic delight is the momentary recognition of the transcendent
being that lives within each and every one of us.
When we
get stuck on the level of name and form we think that there is an object of our
love which separate from us. We fail to
recognize the presence of the non-dual Self which is love itself beyond name
and form. As Ram Dass jokes, “We are all
God in drag.” When we look inside
ourselves, when we inquire into and rest in our self-nature we find that we are
one with the Self whose nature is Being-Consciousness-Bliss. United inwardly with the Self we are beyond
name and form, suffering and mortality.
We are liberated beings, jivanmuktis.
The Yoga perspective says that
human beings have three basic psychophysical behavioral modes or gunas. These are known as tamas, rajas and
sattwa. Tamas is characterized as
unconsciousness, inertia and sleep.
Rajas on the other hand is characterized as passionate emotion, strong
desire and attachment. Sattwa is
characterized by wisdom and mental/emotional stability.
We can see these three modes
embodied in the physiology of the brain.
Science views our brains as evolving over time. Within us we have a reptilian-brain,
mammalian-brain and neo-cortex which is uniquely human. Nature seems to have incorporated various
stages of neural evolution within us.
Our reptilian brain is basically instinct-responsive. It is concerned with self-preservation and
species reproduction. Our mammalian
brain is more sophisticated and associated with the capacity for feelings. Our more newly evolved brain is shared
somewhat with the higher primates but is significantly larger in human
beings. It is associated with our capacity
for language and abstract thought.
We are each composed of these three
modes of being, perceiving and interacting.
Our job is to integrate all three in our experience of living in the
world. Ideally our more highly evolved
brain should be in charge of our thoughts, feelings and behavior. However human beings are more than just
abstract intellectuals. In terms of
relationships our feelings and emotions are an intrinsic part of who we
are. Even the poor maligned reptile
within is necessary for our continued existence. However, we should rarely rely on it for
advice.
Conscious
relationships are based in an awareness of all three modes of functioning
within us. We relate on sexual,
emotional and intellectual levels with everyone we meet. This is just the reality of who we are as
embodied beings. To be able to enter
into a conscious relationship we need to have a deep self-awareness. We need to be aware of our own drives and
conditioning. We also need to be aware
that our real self-nature is beyond these.
We need to awaken to the reality that we are luminous, expansive,
consciousness-beings perhaps trapped or perhaps just playing in the material
world.
Conscious relationship means awakening to the
Self within all: awakening to Oneness.
