Thankfulness brings you to the place where
the Beloved lives. – Rumi
The
importance of gratitude is being recognized these days for its impact on both
psychological and physical health. The
fact of the matter is that psyche and soma are not so separate. Our thoughts (beliefs) influence our emotions
which are intimately connected to our bodies.
There is a growing body of research confirming that what we think and
feel directly influences our physical wellbeing. Thoughts which lead to positive emotions
promote a healthy immune response, generate healing capacities and make us feel
good. As Candace Pert, Ph.D. writes in
Molecules of Emotion, “Hugs not drugs.”
There
is another side to the story however.
This idea of gratitude can be misused.
Should we be grateful to an employer who methodically underpays us? How does one feel grateful to God when a
child dies unexpectedly? How about when
someone we loved and trusted betrays us?
Unfortunately the list of examples could go on and on. As Buddha reminded us, suffering is inherent
in existence. Certainly many of us use
means like drugs, sex, gambling, etc. to distract ourselves from suffering,
these means of coping, however, simply delay and increase the eventual
suffering we have to face.
When
I was around nine years old my parents were devolving into serious “domestic violence.” I work with this population now and realize how
easily parents seem to believe that their kids are somehow unaware of what is
going on. Children are tuned into
everything, both through their senses and through their intuition. I had witnessed some severe fighting in the
weeks before Christmas. In fact, for our
family Christmas get-together my mother had to use extra makeup to hide her
bruises. Relatives arrived and pretended
not to notice. At some point in the
evening I became upset and retreated to my bedroom to sulk. Sometimes as a child we never really know why
we are upset. I don’t remember my
reasoning. I just remember that my aunt
came in and told what an ungrateful kid I was.
After that I declared a secret war on gratitude.
Today
I am grateful for my ungratefulness; for my soul-recognition that my family hid
behind a veneer of bullshit. We can’t
use this idea of gratitude to deny our reality.
We can make an effort to identify and appreciate what is good in our
lives. However, we can’t gloss over the
things that are not. As we look around
our world today, there is much to appreciate and much to address. Gratitude doesn’t mean taking shit from
anyone. It doesn’t mean pretending
inequality doesn’t exist. Be grateful
that the evolutionary intelligence gave you the ability to discriminate just
from unjust, real from unreal, right from wrong.
Gratefulness,
forgiveness, love, etc. are wonderful and powerful emotions that serve us on
mind-body-spirit levels. If you are
depressed it helps to refocus on what is positive in your experience. If you are anxious, it helps to focus on
where you feel secure. As a joke I heard
puts it though, “Just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean they’re not out
to get you.” Be grateful for what is
real. Don’t let it become some illusion.
