Love is not an
expression of the intellect; it is not an expression of emotion; it is not an
expression of proper relationship. It is an expression of man's deep rooted
divinity.
- Paramhansa Satyananda Saraswati
Perhaps it is just a fact of life
that our most highly regarded teachers, our saints and gurus, have a shadow
side that is as deep and dark as the light they shine. After all we are all expressions of the
collective human psyche. I wrote about a
certain level of disillusionment I experienced with one of my guru’s disciples,
Swami Vivekananda, in a previous post (http://mindful-yoga.blogspot.com/2013/10/when-master-rapes.html). Somehow I clung to the belief that our
beloved guru was somehow “out of the link.”
I heard reports from Australian
gurubais in the late eighties about Swamiji’s discipline Akhanandanada who
created a scandal in that country. Being
fairly isolated in the U.S. I regarded him as “one bad apple.” Perhaps I should have put together
Vivekananda’s and Akhananda’s behavior and recognized that there just might be
a systematic corruption in the organization.
The crazy thing is that I have often felt unworthy of my swami-title
because I have never been able to give up sex although I have always been into
completely consensual indulgence.
I have been proud to talk about
my guru who I believed was better than the others. He was the real deal. In my heart I still feel like he was – at least
as close as possible in this age. Of
course it is not up to me to forgive him for any sexual abuse he might have
done or allowed in his organization.
That is up to the victims. Please
believe me when I say my heart is open to your suffering.
Following my ashram experience
with Vivekananda I was compelled to go into the field of counseling psychology
and coincidentally ended up working with survivors and perpetrators of sexual
abuse. The underlying keys to healing
are empathy and respect, both for ourselves and others. Just to be clear: it is never acceptable to have sex with an
underage minor (even if it seems to be consensual) nor to use any means of
manipulation, force or deviousness to get someone to have sex. That goes for you ladies too.
Tantric teachings have become
widely available in this age. Supposedly
they were kept secret before in order to avoid their misuse. Perhaps they were kept secret to prevent their
gurus undercover. Yoga and tantra can
lead to liberation but they can also feed our illusion, delusion and
confusion. Going into tantric teachings
requires great awareness and discernment.
We learn as much about our shadow through tantra as we do about
light. It is a discipline of fearless
awareness. You have to be willing to see
through every one of your cherished illusions.
I am grateful to Swami Satyananda
for all of his teachings, my experiences in his ashram and for making sure I
cannot cling to any illusions about him.
