Yoga
says no to detachment. Do not avoid situations in life or even in yourself, but
learn to accept the existence of the things that are around you. Once you have
accepted them and know their nature, then it is possible to become
non-attached. The word 'non-attachment' does not really exist in English, but
it exists in Sanskrit in the form of vairagya, meaning to to be free from
attachment, without rejecting anything. It represents a state of mind that is
continuously observing the nature of events and is unaffected. Non-attachment can
easily be developed provided we can expand our awareness to see the reality
behind things.
-
Swami
Niranjanananda Saraswati
Nonattachment,
or vairagya, is an essential aspect of yoga practice however few of us in the
West really get it. When I talk about it
with classes it often sparks a reaction – anxious questions and debate. I think this is partly due to our lack of
understanding of the term but also the depth of our unconscious
attachment. On one hand people often
feel that nonattachment equals detachment; a cold, unfeeling approach to
life. On the other, here in our consumer
society we feel our very identity is threatened by the idea of
nonattachment.
This
is partly true. From the Yogic
perspective our sense of “I” or ego is connected to the twin snares of attachment
and aversion. The yogi cultivates
nonattachment as a means of diminishing the ego. It is a means of switching our allegiance
from the unreal to the real. In order to
evolve as spiritual beings we need to expand consciousness beyond our
self-centered perspectives.
The
question has come up as to whether there is something “wrong” with the
attachment a parent feels for her child.
The attachment bond between child and caregiver (okay, mother) is
essential to the wellbeing of a child and the failure of this bond can affect
the rest of his or her life. There is
certainly nothing wrong with this. We
are so prone to feel guilty about our natural needs and desires sometimes that
we completely misinterpret these instructions.
What
happens, however, when the mother or child clings to the other beyond the
appropriate developmental stages? Then
development can be impeded, conflicts arise and deep emotional disturbance can
result. Children need to “leave the nest”
at some point and we as parents need to let go.
It is not that we don’t love them but we don’t cling to old form of the
relationship. Nonattachment means
understanding that nothing in this world is permanent. We have to know when to go with the flow.
As
adults we develop various attachment relationships. We all want to have others in our lives that
we trust and feel secure with. True
psychological health requires that we develop our own sense of inner security. Without it we are not able to have truly
healthy adult relationships. In this
sense relationship issues offer us a mirror into our own unconscious fears and
desires. Spiritual growth requires that
we can experience, tolerate and learn to love solitude as well.
It
can be difficult at times to distinguish between love and attachment in our
adult relationships. When we confuse one
for the other, though, the relationships can become stagnant and hinder the higher
stages of adult development. In The Path
to Love, Deepak Chopra offers three comparisons which can help us to
distinguish love and attachment:
“Love allows your beloved
the freedom to be unlike you. Attachment asks for conformity to your
needs and desires.
Love imposes no
demands. Attachment expresses an overwhelming
demand – “Make me feel whole.”
Love expands beyond the
limits of two people. Attachment tries to exclude everything but
two people.”
Love
in this sense might be much more of an ideal than a reality in our lives. The spiritual path requires that we learn to
see ourselves somewhat objectively – honestly and fearless, but with compassion
at the same time. It is a process of
growth not of self judgment and condemnation.
This in fact is the essence of true vairagya.
In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali defines two stages of vairagya. The lower stage is defined as freedom from
the craving for sense objects. It is an
inner state of equanimity – again something that we in the West rarely
experience. The higher stage of vairagya
develops when attachment has been transferred completely from the outer world
to Spirit. When we are truly awake
spiritually there is no inclination to become attached to anything and
unconditional Love flows spontaneously in all directions.
