- Paramhansa Satyananda Saraswati
It has been over a decade since I was last at the ashram in India participating in that life of disciplined simplicity. Ashram life is outwardly very simple and generally follows a daily routine which includes sadhana, meals, karma yoga, evening kirtan and on auspicious days, satsang with the Guru. The only stress comes from all of the “stuff” that arises within us. Sometimes there was boredom, sometimes a longing to break out of the routine, a desire to be recognized, assume control, or participate in the local gossip. After awhile, I was able to surrender somewhat, let go of self-importance and simply be joyfully present. Then, of course, it was time to return to the “real” world.
An ashram is a communal yoga training center where we can go beyond the superficialities of a weekly yoga class, meditation practice, spiritual books, etc. It is an environment which fosters a moment-to-moment aware presence. If you are lucky it will drive you out of your mind. It is also an environment permeated with spiritual energy. The higher consciousness of Gurudev and some of his senior swamis provides a vibratory field which intensifies one’s awareness, ignites one’s kundalini and bathes one in love and compassion. On the other hand, there is a disciplined austerity and absolutely no sympathy for one’s little personal trials and complaints.
India seemed like a place of little sympathy. One time I was walking along the bank of the Ganges River with a more experienced swami. We saw the body of a young man floating in the water. “His family probably couldn’t afford the wood to burn his body,” explained the swami. Life and death happen. It’s up to us to figure out what to do with them. Each moment is a precious gift which we can squander with complaints or appreciate for what it offers us. I thought of Jesus’ directions to his disciples, “Let the dead bury their own dead.” The Indian culture doesn’t seek to hide or deny the reality of death like we do. Instead it’s in your face.
We tend to think of yoga as a series of practices. Maybe we go to classes regularly. Some people develop the discipline to practice daily. Meditation is at the core of yoga and is a discipline for tackling the wayward tendencies of our minds. However, we have to pay attention to what happens when practice is finished. Do we just return to the same stress, the same complacency and mindlessness? If so we are accomplishing very little. Sometimes I have caught myself going from a peaceful morning meditation to “road rage” as I travel to work. Maintaining a mindful awareness is not easy!
Yoga talks about an inner quality of witnessing awareness, called Drashta in the Yoga Sutras
. It is a deeper awareness which stands apart from our usual ego-identified awareness. With ordinary awareness we are aware of some “thing” or another. When the Drashta quality of awareness is present we are aware of being aware; more than that we are able to reflect upon our thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, etc. without being absorbed by them. Instead of identifying and saying, “I am angry,” we might say, “I am aware of the momentary presence of anger.” Without awareness we might become tense and stressed, or we might act out impulsively creating problems for ourselves. This inner witnessing awareness gives us perspective on ourselves. We can be aware of subconscious programming which causes us to feel shame, guilt, anxiety, etc. From the witness perspective we no longer identify with these feelings. Instead we disidentify and these habitual thoughts and feelings start to lose their power. This is very different from the tendency to deny, suppress or avoid painful emotions. From the witness perspective we can face them fearlessly. Instead of running away we can stay present. In fact, Drashta does not even judge whether an emotion is painful or pleasant. It is just a transient expression of energy.
Does this mean that we are emotionally detached, blunted, or absent? These are all primitive strategies for avoiding emotions. Instead we are alive to emotional energy but not controlled by it. We are aware of the conditioned thoughts and emotions that arise, not in genuine response to the present situation, but based on past impressions. Drasta is always present as non-conditional loving awareness. As we begin to awaken, we do respond to life differently. The conditioned personality, who we thought we were, gives way to authentic presence: who we truly are. This is not always a smooth process though.
Facing Difficulties in Life
She knows there’s no success like failure
And that failure’s no success at all.
- Bob Dylan Bringing It All Back Home (Reis)
In India it is said that the saints welcome suffering because it brings them closer to God. The rest of us though do our best to avoid it. When things go badly we might become dejected or hopeless. Recently a friend recounted his disappointment at not getting a job he had wanted. He talked about his preparations for the interview, using visualization and positive thinking. When he didn’t hear back following his interview he began to question whether these had any value. I shared his discouragement due to my own unsuccessful job search. Lack of preparation and negative thinking probably don’t work either, though.
The Bhagavad Gita
tells us that the mind of one established in yoga is “alike in success or failure.” Through practice one develops an inner equanimity which is not dependent on outer circumstances. This does not mean that one doesn’t care or puts in a poor effort. Instead there is a non-attachment to outcomes. The yogi does her best than lets go trusting that the most appropriate result will happen. Instead of anxiety she experiences inner peace. Instead of being overwhelmed by failure she sees it as another opportunity to present, to laugh and try again. When we relinquish the need to be in control we find that success and failure are illusions. They are artificial judgments in our minds.It is not easy to accept all the situations of life with openness, love, compassion and trust. The difficulty is in our minds however. Swamiji once said, “There are no problems in life. The problems are all in the mind.” Our real task is to be present, to be alive, committed and open to “what is.” This is where practice comes in. Meditation means working with the mind to develop this inner equanimity. With practice we can gain some control over our own minds, emotions, actions and reactions. This is our primary locus of control. Once we are in control of ourselves we can certainly be more effective in the world.
Join us for Mind/Body Yoga Classes in Yucaipa, CA and Meditation Group in Riverside, CA. Contact me at turiyasaraswati@gmail.com for information.
