“To stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach,
with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge—that is the path of
true awakening.” - Pema Chödrön
Sometimes a student in my meditation class will say “I
wish I could stay as calm and centered as you.”
It makes me smile, not so much out of pride, as out of the knowledge
that I have and continue to struggle with my own share of emotional
turmoil. I have experienced the ups and
downs of anger, anxiety, grief and loneliness.
I’ve been through “failed” relationships and have acted ignorantly and
selfishly. I can’t claim some state of
perfection just yet.
The spiritual path of rising in love requires that we
face all of the emotions that arise out of our ego attachment so that we can
learn to let go. Painful emotions are
like a light on the dashboard letting us know that something needs
attention. I can report that over time I
feel like I am getting better at observing and releasing attachments. Of course just when you think you are “there”
life will hand you a situation that challenges your equanimity, generosity and
ability to remain compassionate and forgiving.
Through meditation we develop the ability to observe
our inner thoughts and feelings without reacting to them, judging them or
indulging in self-pity. It takes some
practice. Some people mistake their
inner critic for their inner witness.
The inner witness is always kind and compassionate and doesn’t
judge. When thoughts of
self-condemnation come up, we can witness those as well.
There is a passage in the Mundaka Upanishad which uses
the analogy of two birds in order to express our dual nature as egos and
souls. “Two birds living together, each
the friend of the other, perch upon the same tree. Of these two, one eats the
sweet fruit of the tree, but the other simply looks on without eating.” The empirical ego eats the fruit of the tree
of this world, experiences pain and pleasure, attachment and hatred. The second bird is the inner witness or soul. Each of us is composed of these two aspects.
Many people are not aware of the soul aspect of
themselves because they are completely caught up in the drama of their
lives. However it is ever-present. It is the source of peace, wisdom and
love. Disconnected from the deeper
awareness of the soul, the ego lives in fear and attachment. When we start to reconnect with the awareness
within we have access to ananda – transcendent bliss. We can relax not taking life or ourselves so
seriously.
For my part I too have my feet in both worlds. At times I have become disconnected and have
fallen in love. Remember “falling in
love” is typically to fall into attachment, temporary elation with guaranteed
dejection to follow. Infatuation is a
better term. When we fall in love we
forget that love is our true nature and we seek love outside of ourselves in
another person. Or maybe you’ve fallen
in love with your car. In any case we
are really objectifying that person or vehicle.
Sometimes people ask how love can be dispassionate. Based on our cultural conditioning it is
confusing perhaps that true love is based on an inner state of equanimity. This is because we commonly mistake love for
infatuation. When one is “head over
heels” in love and riding a thrilling emotional roller coaster, it is time to
take time out and reconnect with one’s center.
Our culture celebrates passion although it can lead to murder in the
name of “love.” Seriously? Real love means accepting ourselves and
others as we are without the need to possess or control.
Through meditation we develop a connection with our
deeper Self. We become less identified
with the ego-self and more attuned to our spiritual essence. We are able to witness the drama of life with
amusement and affection. We are able to
witness our ego-selves in the same way.
When we are established in awareness, compassion, forgiveness,
generosity and joy flow forth spontaneously.
As I practice over time I find myself becoming less and less caught up
in the ego-drama of the world and more open to simply being present as an
expression of love.
People sometimes question the validity of
meditation. After all with so many
problems in the world how can one just sit quietly with eyes closed? First of all, sitting meditation is connected
with activity in the world – with karma yoga, or selfless service. Secondly, meditation is not really a
practice. Although there are certain
techniques we use to enter it, meditation is really a state of
consciousness. We develop that state
through practice and if and when we are fully established in it we can drop the
practice.
The term “witness” can be confusing to some. The inner witness does not mean being a
passive observer of the world. Instead
it refers to a transcendent meta-perspective through which we are aware of our
mind’s activity at a deeper level. We
are able to witness the ego and to enter into silence. In this way we are able to be present in the
world without fear, anxiety, greed or anger.
We are able to be present with both wisdom and compassion.
True transformation of the world begins with a
transformation of consciousness. As we
move out of fear and competition based in ego-identification, we move into love
and cooperation based in unity consciousness.
We need to be the change we wish to see in the world. Yoga in its full form which incorporates
hatha yoga “postures,” meditation, devotion and surrender, self-inquiry and
selfless service, is a profound methodology for facilitating this shift in
consciousness. It is a means for “rising
in love.”
