Keeping It Real

“To stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge—that is the path of true awakening.” - Pema Chödrön

 

Sometimes a student in my meditation class will say “I wish I could stay as calm and centered as you.”  It makes me smile, not so much out of pride, as out of the knowledge that I have and continue to struggle with my own share of emotional turmoil.  I have experienced the ups and downs of anger, anxiety, grief and loneliness.  I’ve been through “failed” relationships and have acted ignorantly and selfishly.  I can’t claim some state of perfection just yet.

The spiritual path of rising in love requires that we face all of the emotions that arise out of our ego attachment so that we can learn to let go.  Painful emotions are like a light on the dashboard letting us know that something needs attention.  I can report that over time I feel like I am getting better at observing and releasing attachments.  Of course just when you think you are “there” life will hand you a situation that challenges your equanimity, generosity and ability to remain compassionate and forgiving.

Through meditation we develop the ability to observe our inner thoughts and feelings without reacting to them, judging them or indulging in self-pity.  It takes some practice.  Some people mistake their inner critic for their inner witness.  The inner witness is always kind and compassionate and doesn’t judge.  When thoughts of self-condemnation come up, we can witness those as well. 

There is a passage in the Mundaka Upanishad which uses the analogy of two birds in order to express our dual nature as egos and souls.  “Two birds living together, each the friend of the other, perch upon the same tree. Of these two, one eats the sweet fruit of the tree, but the other simply looks on without eating.”  The empirical ego eats the fruit of the tree of this world, experiences pain and pleasure, attachment and hatred.  The second bird is the inner witness or soul.  Each of us is composed of these two aspects.

Many people are not aware of the soul aspect of themselves because they are completely caught up in the drama of their lives.  However it is ever-present.  It is the source of peace, wisdom and love.  Disconnected from the deeper awareness of the soul, the ego lives in fear and attachment.  When we start to reconnect with the awareness within we have access to ananda – transcendent bliss.  We can relax not taking life or ourselves so seriously.

For my part I too have my feet in both worlds.  At times I have become disconnected and have fallen in love.  Remember “falling in love” is typically to fall into attachment, temporary elation with guaranteed dejection to follow.  Infatuation is a better term.  When we fall in love we forget that love is our true nature and we seek love outside of ourselves in another person.  Or maybe you’ve fallen in love with your car.  In any case we are really objectifying that person or vehicle. 

Sometimes people ask how love can be dispassionate.  Based on our cultural conditioning it is confusing perhaps that true love is based on an inner state of equanimity.  This is because we commonly mistake love for infatuation.  When one is “head over heels” in love and riding a thrilling emotional roller coaster, it is time to take time out and reconnect with one’s center.  Our culture celebrates passion although it can lead to murder in the name of “love.”  Seriously?  Real love means accepting ourselves and others as we are without the need to possess or control. 

Through meditation we develop a connection with our deeper Self.  We become less identified with the ego-self and more attuned to our spiritual essence.  We are able to witness the drama of life with amusement and affection.  We are able to witness our ego-selves in the same way.  When we are established in awareness, compassion, forgiveness, generosity and joy flow forth spontaneously.  As I practice over time I find myself becoming less and less caught up in the ego-drama of the world and more open to simply being present as an expression of love.

People sometimes question the validity of meditation.  After all with so many problems in the world how can one just sit quietly with eyes closed?  First of all, sitting meditation is connected with activity in the world – with karma yoga, or selfless service.  Secondly, meditation is not really a practice.  Although there are certain techniques we use to enter it, meditation is really a state of consciousness.  We develop that state through practice and if and when we are fully established in it we can drop the practice. 

The term “witness” can be confusing to some.  The inner witness does not mean being a passive observer of the world.  Instead it refers to a transcendent meta-perspective through which we are aware of our mind’s activity at a deeper level.  We are able to witness the ego and to enter into silence.  In this way we are able to be present in the world without fear, anxiety, greed or anger.  We are able to be present with both wisdom and compassion.

True transformation of the world begins with a transformation of consciousness.  As we move out of fear and competition based in ego-identification, we move into love and cooperation based in unity consciousness.  We need to be the change we wish to see in the world.  Yoga in its full form which incorporates hatha yoga “postures,” meditation, devotion and surrender, self-inquiry and selfless service, is a profound methodology for facilitating this shift in consciousness.  It is a means for “rising in love.”