Nothing Is Real

Things are not as they appear to be,

nor are they otherwise.

-    Lankavatara Sutra

Within our minds we like to believe that we know things definitely; that we have captured “reality” within our thoughts, concepts and beliefs.  Actually nothing could be further from the truth and nothing could be more futile.  We seek to know and understand a “reality” which can only ever be a construct within our minds.  The fact that a cultural majority favors one fabrication over others is notwithstanding.  Our real problem is that we seek know things outside of ourselves without truly knowing who we are. 

Now if you are new to this line of inquiry, I apologize.  You might be saying, “Hey, I am so-and-so and I live such-a-place and I’m married to so-and-so and I do such-and-such for a living.  Or it could be some variation on these; perhaps you are unmarried and unemployed.  All of these are just definitions of ourselves within socio-cultural categories.  As much as we believe in them and are emotionally attached to them, they are not actually real.  In fact they are extremely ephemeral.  It just takes one good crisis in life to upset the whole house of cards. 

Who are we ultimately?  Who is the real you; the real me?  To truly answer this question we have to go out of our minds.  The fact is that many of us are trying to do this all of the time.  We know that we are missing something, that something is fundamentally amiss.  We use illegal drugs and alcohol, prescription drugs, sex, gambling, shopping, video games, television, online social networking, etc. both to search for that something and to distract ourselves from the vaguely insistent anxiety that lurks just below the surface of our awareness. 

Even religion can be a distraction.  As long as we believe that “God” is an imaginary being “out there” we are looking in the wrong direction.  “The entrance door to the sanctuary,” wrote Islamic poet Rumi, “lies within you.”  Of course, he was hardly original in this statement.  Mystical poets and seers throughout the ages have been trying to tell us the same thing.  The ground of being is not to be found in things but within ourselves; within our essential being.  God is within us.  S/He is who we are.

This perspective runs throughout the Upanishads which are the source of the Yoga Vedanta philosophy.  The Kena Upanishad states this quite clearly:

"That which makes the tongue speak but cannot be
Spoken by the tongue, know that as the Self.
This Self is not someone other than you.

 "That which makes the mind think but cannot be
Thought by the mind, that is the Self indeed.
This Self is not someone other than you.

 "That which makes the eye see but cannot be
Seen by the eye, that is the Self indeed.
This Self is not someone other than you.

 "That which makes the ear hear but cannot be
Heard by the ear, that is the Self indeed.
This Self is not someone other than you.

"That which makes you draw breath but cannot be
Drawn by your breath, that is the Self indeed.
This self is not someone other than you."

(Easwaren, 1987)

In other words, the essential being is not an object which can be known through the five senses, nor through the mind.  It is the “knower” who experiences through the mind and the senses.  The term “The Self” can also be translated as God.  The Self is not at all our ego personality.  The ego is an aspect of the mind and the senses.  It is basically a self-referential thought construct.  Remember, the real Self can never be an object of thought.  In order to experience it we have go out of our minds.

Meditation is a means of going beyond mind without going completely crazy.  Or maybe it is more of a safe way to go completely crazy.  When we are able to relax deeply while retaining our awareness we can go deeper into the mystery of consciousness; a mystery that can be labeled to a certain extent but never fully defined.  Science has become interested in consciousness in our time but struggles because it is not within its scope.  While science searches for truths in the physical world, spirituality searches for truths of consciousness.  Each has its place.  Science is a wonderful methodology for investigating the physical world; meditation is a time honored methodology for investigating the inner.  The Self, though, is neither inner nor outer, it is both and neither. 

This Self is not someone other than you.

Karma, Nonattachment and Surrender

Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.

-    Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Karma” in its basic sense, means “action.”  The universe is a vast field of activity from the subatomic vibration of superstrings to the whirling of galaxy clusters.  Somewhere in the middle is the realm of human beings and our actions.  The Law of Karma tells us that every action produces a reaction.  It is similar to classical physics but goes a little deeper. 

From the yogic perspective action is not just occurring in the physical, material world but in the mind as well.  Our actions in the world begin as thought-seeds in our minds.  Often we are not even aware of them though until they take form in our lives.  The experiences in our lives then create more thought-seeds in terms of memories and desires. 

We are born with karmic seeds already planted from past lives.  There is an almost infinite store house of seeds within our unconscious known as karmashaya in the Yoga Sutras.  This “reservoir” of karma is rooted in the five “afflictions:” ignorance, ego, attachment, aversion and fear of death.  “As long as the root exists,” Patanjali tells us, “it will come to fruition as life experience.”  This experience can be either painful or pleasant depending on our past actions.

Karma is not “fate,” however.  While we may have little choice but to suffer through some our past karma in the present, our current actions influence our future karmic outcomes.  Through the practice of yoga we can address the root of karma itself – ignorance.  Ignorance in this sense means unawareness of our true nature as divine spiritual beings.  The flip side of ignorance is ego – false self-identification.  “The ego is like a virus in the computer that attacks the core system,” writes Marianne Williamson.  “It seems to show us a dark parallel universe, a realm of fear and pain that doesn’t actually exist but certainly seems to.” (1993, A Return to Love)

Without ego karma would have no effect upon us.  We suffer the effects of karma because we are attached to and identified with the ego.  It is much like watching a film where we get so caught up in the drama that we laugh, cry or jump when the main character is going through happy, sad or frightening experiences.  It’s entertaining but at a certain point it is nice to be reminded that “it is just a movie.”
 

This awakening occurs in our lives through the practice of nonattachment, or vairagya.  Nonattachment doesn’t necessarily mean renunciation.  In fact the outward renunciation, of possessions for instance, without an inner release of emotional attachment is ineffective.  As Patanjali explains, “When an individual becomes free from cravings for the sense objects he has experienced, as well as those of which he has heard, that state of consciousness is vairagya.”  We can develop this state of consciousness through observing our own emotional reactions without identifying with them.  Sometimes this not easy!

It becomes easier when we develop an attitude of surrender.  Whether we believe in God, a Higher Power, the Tao, etc. is not important.  When we recognize that there is a greater power, a greater order and intelligence working in and through the universe and us, we don’t have to stress out over the events of life.  On the contrary, everything is happening exactly as it is supposed to and we are exactly who and where we should be.  This doesn’t mean that we stop working, just that we are connecting to greater resources of wisdom and power than we usually realize. 

Nonattachment and surrender are aspects of Karma Yoga, the way of selfless activity.  When we practice Karma Yoga we are working with positive intent while observing and letting go of emotional attachments.  It is meditation-in-action.  Through Karma Yoga we can uproot negative karma and undo its effects.  In this way we accomplish the true purpose of this life; not to make money or even accomplish great deeds, but to express our essential nature.  To quote Marianne Williamson again, “The key to a successful career is realizing that it’s not separate from the rest of your life, but rather is an extension of your most basic self.  And your most basic self is love.” (ibid.)

More on Yoga and Relationships

Real love is not an escape from loneliness, the real love is an overflowing aloneness. One is so happy in being alone that one would like to share — happiness always wants to share. It is too much, it cannot be contained; like the flower cannot contain its fragrance, it has to be released. – Osho


Relationships are necessarily a part of life. Everything in life is interrelated; one cannot exist without relating to something or somebody. Good relationships enhance our quality of life, health and ability to serve others. Still we often find ways to sabotage our relationships, to create stress, unhappiness and unhealthiness. A good relationship can be like a port in the storm of life. A bad one can be living hell.

The spiritual path requires a conscious choice to work on ourselves, to push the limits of our comfort zone and to be willing to surrender our personal needs and desires for a greater truth; a greater reality. As Rumi says, “What hurts you, blesses you. Darkness is your candle. Your boundaries are your quest.” The spiritual search sometimes requires us to turn away from “common sense,” from the collective opinions of our family, friends and society. In fact, it is only when we are able to push beyond our cultural programming that we can start to glimpse reality.

On the other hand, rebellion can be self-destructive. We don’t have to tear down everything, simply be willing to look beyond our inherited preconceptions. Remember the spiritual path is about going beyond illusion, i.e. the illusion of separateness. All of our personal relationships are based on this illusion. However, it is a principal of yoga that we can use illusion to transcend it. We can use our dream relationships as a means of awakening.

According to Ram Dass, many relationships become stuck at the level of Manipura chakra; the center of personal power and control. As I work with couples in my counseling practice, I find time and again that control issues lie at the heart of conflicts. Love has to do with the heart chakra, Anahata. When our energies get stuck on the level of control, we are not open to love. Love never seeks to control. Instead its power has to do with influence; by example, through connection and energy. As the Chrissie Hynde sings, “When love walks in the room everybody stands up.” Love is accepting not controlling.

This is where meditation comes in. Mindful meditation means allowing and experiencing all of our cognitive-emotional programs (samskaras) without judging or reacting. It allows us to get unstuck through transcendence. It is through the deeper perspective of witnessing awareness that we can let go of the thoughts and emotional patterns that keep us running around in circles. We have to do this work on ourselves in solitude in order to relate more effectively to others. We have to learn to see through our own ego-illusions first and foremost. Our relationships, though, give us fuel for our meditation. They stir up stuff from our subconscious and allow it to become present in our awareness.

Spiritual authenticity requires us to be completely responsible for our own thoughts and feelings. We can’t blame anyone else besides ourselves for where we are stuck. Each of us has our own individual path to walk.

Ultimately the path is about reconnecting with our inner being of joy and love. We are the ones we have been searching for. We can’t find true love outside of ourselves, but once we find it we can share it. Once we share it with another, it can grow and spread. There are too many people wandering around miserable in this world. Love opens us to our true nature – Being, Consciousness, Bliss. Let’s wake up together.

Relationships On and As a Spiritual Path

There are no different categories of love. There isn’t one kind of love between a mother and a child, another between lovers, and another between friends. The love that is real is the love that lies at the heart of all relationships. That is the love of God and it doesn’t change with form or circumstance.

- Marianne Williamson


Relationships can be difficult. Families, friends and lovers all have conflicts, highs and lows. Sometimes things can seem to be working perfectly only to fall apart the next moment. Sometimes we can feel lost and isolated only to realize that we overlooked obvious sources of love and support. Oftentimes we get so caught up in ego and intellect that we obscure the ever-present love inside and all around us.

When we approach relationships from a purely self-centered attitude and perspective we get into trouble. Ultimately, from the perspective of ego, love does not exist and others are simply objects without independent needs or feelings to be exploited by whatever means necessary. We might say that the ego is the sociopath lurking within us behind a thin veneer of civility. As such the ego will lie, cheat, manipulate, rationalize, deny and become violently aggressive to protect itself from perceived annihilation. Real love threatens to expose the ego’s inherent nonexistence.

Behind the ego though is the essential self who is love incarnate. When the ego’s defenses are let down through meditation, prayer, falling in love or perhaps a life-threatening experience then this essential being is brought to the surface. The separate “I” gives way to the greater Self. The spiritual path is the process of breaking down the ego’s barriers to open to the awareness of love.

Intimate relationships can be great tools for spiritual growth. We can use both the joy and the friction to help us to awaken. The first step might be to become mindful of the ego’s involvement. Joy is the sign that we are open on a deeper level. At a certain point the ego will reassert itself and use its defenses to pull back from that intensity. It will unconsciously create conflict in order to reestablish itself. Abiding love and joy are present within any and all circumstances. The ego loves to involve itself in the drama. The Self simply witnesses.

When a couple, family or group meditates together regularly the friction subsides and the power of ego dissipates. We need relationships, however, to reflect back to us the places we are closed down and ego-centric. As Jung wrote, "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." If we are willing and able to observe ourselves in this way we can not only develop more harmonious relationships but can evolve on the spiritual path.

From the yogic perspective we can understand the ego as a product of attachment. The awakening of love takes us beyond attachment; beyond the notions of subject and object into the field of non-duality. “Love is not different from the Self.” states Ramana Maharshi. “Love of an object is of an inferior order and cannot endure. Whereas the Self is Love, in other words, God is Love.” Rumi states, “There is no Love greater than Love with no object. For then you, yourself, have become love itself.”

As we practice our various sadhanas (spiritual methods) on the path we inevitable fall back into ego and attachment time and again until by the power of our persistence they fall away. A sadhana that we can use in all relationships was given by Rumi when he wrote:

Listen with ears of tolerance!

See through the eyes of compassion!

Speak with the language of love!

If we can stop ourselves and ask if indeed we are listening with tolerance, seeing with compassion and speaking with kindness, our relationships will become transformed into a true spiritual method. We might call this “rising” rather than “falling” in love.