Love and Control

“Your task is not to seek for love but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it” ~ Rumi

“Love your fellow being as you love yourself.” – Jesus

Suppose I am in love with a beautiful person.  I think of her often and anticipate the opportunities to be with her.  She gives me such great pleasure when we are together, not just sexually but just in our togetherness; and in the feeling that I am loved and special in her eyes.  I love her because she allows me to love myself.  Hopefully I return the compliment.  But what happens when something inevitably goes awry?  Perhaps she is not as attentive as before.  Maybe she has ideas and opinions that I just can’t stand.  Maybe I suspect that she is attracted to someone else . . .

Just as suddenly and wonderfully the high came on it can be killed.  Then I am back to square one; trying to love myself.  If my self-loathing is so strong that I feel that I just can’t tolerate it, I might just try to manipulate her into some behavior that might “bring back that loving feeling.”  (Any Righteous Brothers fans?  Just in case: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QaASwKbUGE.)  Truth is one has to love oneself before he or she can love another. 

My sense is that violence comes out of our inability to accept and love ourselves.  Instead we seek to control others so that they reflect some sort of facsimile of love.  To feel powerful and in control is not even close to feeling loved.  This is the tragic side of all of our real and fictional villains.  As soon as we move into control we have given into fear and have relinquished love.  Let God be in control, let Love be control. 

Love doesn’t differ between you and me.  In Love we all are One.  Ego tries to control out of fear.  God moves effortlessly and endlessly out of Love.