- The Dalai Lama
In the early 1980s I was studying yoga with Swami Niranjan in San Jose, CA. He introduced me to not only the physical practices of yoga, the asanas and pranayamas, but also to meditation practices, chanting, karma yoga and self-inquiry. Each was a piece of the larger puzzle called yoga, or “union.” Yoga is not so much a particular practice as it is an overall orientation towards life. For most of us it is a major reorientation – of values, world-view and self-understanding. To truly enter the path of yoga you have to turn your world upside down. This is why Swamiji would often say, with a mischievous grin, that the “headstand” was his favorite asana.
During that time another acharya, or accomplished teacher, Swami Amritananda made a visit to the US and to our tiny yoga center in an apartment on Third Street. She presented a series of meditation workshops and satsangs where she would she would talk about all aspects of yoga. Swami Niranjan warned me that Amritananda was quite severe. She didn’t engage in casual silliness, discouraged idle conversation and embodied tapas, or “austerity.” She was a very beautiful woman but left no room for any kind of sexual overture – not that I had that intention.
Both Swamis exemplified the non-attachment, vairagya, which is a hallmark of the yogic life. They owned minimal possessions and lived in extremely simple circumstances. They didn’t crave entertainment or distraction but were content in the moment. They both evidenced a single-pointed focus on the goal of living, exemplifying and imparting the essence of yoga to all who were open to receive it. For me they represented the antithesis of the shallow, materialistic life of the West and a possible clue to the emptiness that I felt within myself.
At one satsang, Swami Amritananda explained that we should look at the world as a vast supermarket, full of products that seem appealing on the surface but which are ultimately worthless at best. The audience was comprised mostly of Californian hippies into natural foods and such. In general they seemed to think that they were already pretty hip to Swamiji’s message. One young woman joined in, “Yeah, instead of going shopping we should go somewhere natural like the beach.” Amritananda’s reply stopped everyone in their tracks. “The beach,” she said, “is another item in the supermarket.”
True spiritual teachers are often not popular. They don’t give the polite answers that we would like to hear. Buddha for example made a point of teaching that all experiences in life are tainted with suffering. The supermarket of life is filled with these potential experiences. We keep hoping however that we will find that perfect product which will never let us down. We buy lots of insurance to back it up. The truth is that everything in life will fail at some point. Nothing is permanent, and nothing can satisfy the innate longing within us to find and return to our source. The problem is that what we are truly seeking cannot be found anywhere outside of ourselves.
How does one seek inside though? At the time it seemed that the self I knew was hardly worth looking into. It was full of guilt, shame, rage, anxiety and depression. I was busy trying to cover this all up and act “spiritual,” in hopes really of fooling myself as well as anyone else. I didn’t so much want to go inside myself as become somebody else. The problem with spiritual teachers is that they tend to see right through our masquerades. I too was a California hippie. I had spent the last few years rebelling against the “plastic” world around me. I had tried sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. Now we were more into natural foods, being mellow and trying to make the best of the poverty that comes with disengaging from the “system.”
Now Amritananda’s words pierced the bubble of my tentative illusions. It was all a ruse, a way of dodging, not just the “reality” that my dear father was constantly exhorting me to face, but the reality inside. We tend to spend our time and energy seeking to rearrange the world outside of ourselves thinking that somehow we will get it right and find lasting happiness. True happiness, however, is not contingent on anything outside of ourselves. This includes our thoughts, beliefs, ideologies, philosophies, fantasies, etc. The Self is the awareness which underlies all the experiences of the mind and the senses. Attachment means clinging to these as a way of establishing an identity-in-the-world, i.e. “ego.” Non-attachment doesn’t so much mean eschewing material possessions as releasing our elaborately constructed and highly defended ego-identities. "The self,” writes Deepak Chopra, “is the isolated ego clinging to its small reality and the Self is the unbounded spirit that can afford to not cling at all."
A healthy, “natural” lifestyle is part of the yogic path. However adopted a healthy lifestyle is just a supportive measure. It can also become just another set of products for the ego to consume. So can nonviolent politics, environmentalism, etc. Yoga “apparel,” props, mats, etc. support yoga practice but also can be used to support a “yoga ego.” The ego can use anything to maintain itself, and in so doing undermine any real potential for change. As a vegetarian I have spent time with fellow converts talking about how disgusting other people who eat meat are. In terms of our consciousness we might have just as well been devouring bloody flesh. Even the idea that “we are all one” can get in the way of realizing our essential being. Consumer beware!
The world of the mind and senses is the world of appearances. In Vedantic terms it is referred to as maya, or illusion. The Self is the awareness which underlies all appearances. It is pure consciousness, pure subject. It can never be found as an object of the senses or of thought. Words can refer to it but they cannot capture it. It is revealed in silence only to have been here all along. All of the practices of yoga, all spiritual sadhanas, are aimed at helping us to let go of the unreal to rest in the reality of being. In Buddhist terms this is referred to as emptiness. It is empty because when you look for it you can’t find anything. Even space is not as empty. On the other hand, it is not “nothing.” It is the source and substance of everything.
The Self, emptiness, consciousness, God, or whatever word we choose to call it, is not another product in the supermarket of life. If you take it home, unwrap it and find out that it is than you have fallen for another counterfeit. It is the divinity within you. It is the “I” behind the ego. You are “It.”
Because our minds are conditioned by karma, by culture, by the media, education and what not to look outside of ourselves, it is very difficult at first to remain established in the realization of the Self, at least for many of us. I received “darshan” of Swami Amritananda on a couple of occasions. The objective world dissolved into light in which there was no separate “me.” I could only stand it for a second before going into weird spasms of ecstasy. On one occasion I ran out into the street into fresh hot asphalt that burnt itself into my bare feet, but I was oblivious. Love is like that. We run away from what is real because it threatens everything that we think we are. Surrender seems so hard but it brings freedom. Once we are free we can stroll through the supermarket with a smile. When the clerk asks, “Can I help you?” Just say, “No thanks. I’m just looking.”
The source of consciousness cannot be an object in consciousness. To know the source is to be the source. When you realize that you are not the person, but the pure and calm witness, and that fearless awareness is your very being, you are the being. It is the source, the Inexhaustible Possibility.
- Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
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