Finding Yourself in the Supermarket of Life

Inner happiness is not determined by material circumstances or sensual gratification. It depends on our mind.


- The Dalai Lama



In the early 1980s I was studying yoga with Swami Niranjan in San Jose, CA. He introduced me to not only the physical practices of yoga, the asanas and pranayamas, but also to meditation practices, chanting, karma yoga and self-inquiry. Each was a piece of the larger puzzle called yoga, or “union.” Yoga is not so much a particular practice as it is an overall orientation towards life. For most of us it is a major reorientation – of values, world-view and self-understanding. To truly enter the path of yoga you have to turn your world upside down. This is why Swamiji would often say, with a mischievous grin, that the “headstand” was his favorite asana.

During that time another acharya, or accomplished teacher, Swami Amritananda made a visit to the US and to our tiny yoga center in an apartment on Third Street. She presented a series of meditation workshops and satsangs where she would she would talk about all aspects of yoga. Swami Niranjan warned me that Amritananda was quite severe. She didn’t engage in casual silliness, discouraged idle conversation and embodied tapas, or “austerity.” She was a very beautiful woman but left no room for any kind of sexual overture – not that I had that intention.

Both Swamis exemplified the non-attachment, vairagya, which is a hallmark of the yogic life. They owned minimal possessions and lived in extremely simple circumstances. They didn’t crave entertainment or distraction but were content in the moment. They both evidenced a single-pointed focus on the goal of living, exemplifying and imparting the essence of yoga to all who were open to receive it. For me they represented the antithesis of the shallow, materialistic life of the West and a possible clue to the emptiness that I felt within myself.

At one satsang, Swami Amritananda explained that we should look at the world as a vast supermarket, full of products that seem appealing on the surface but which are ultimately worthless at best. The audience was comprised mostly of Californian hippies into natural foods and such. In general they seemed to think that they were already pretty hip to Swamiji’s message. One young woman joined in, “Yeah, instead of going shopping we should go somewhere natural like the beach.” Amritananda’s reply stopped everyone in their tracks. “The beach,” she said, “is another item in the supermarket.”

True spiritual teachers are often not popular. They don’t give the polite answers that we would like to hear. Buddha for example made a point of teaching that all experiences in life are tainted with suffering. The supermarket of life is filled with these potential experiences. We keep hoping however that we will find that perfect product which will never let us down. We buy lots of insurance to back it up. The truth is that everything in life will fail at some point. Nothing is permanent, and nothing can satisfy the innate longing within us to find and return to our source. The problem is that what we are truly seeking cannot be found anywhere outside of ourselves.

How does one seek inside though? At the time it seemed that the self I knew was hardly worth looking into. It was full of guilt, shame, rage, anxiety and depression. I was busy trying to cover this all up and act “spiritual,” in hopes really of fooling myself as well as anyone else. I didn’t so much want to go inside myself as become somebody else. The problem with spiritual teachers is that they tend to see right through our masquerades. I too was a California hippie. I had spent the last few years rebelling against the “plastic” world around me. I had tried sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. Now we were more into natural foods, being mellow and trying to make the best of the poverty that comes with disengaging from the “system.”

Now Amritananda’s words pierced the bubble of my tentative illusions. It was all a ruse, a way of dodging, not just the “reality” that my dear father was constantly exhorting me to face, but the reality inside. We tend to spend our time and energy seeking to rearrange the world outside of ourselves thinking that somehow we will get it right and find lasting happiness. True happiness, however, is not contingent on anything outside of ourselves. This includes our thoughts, beliefs, ideologies, philosophies, fantasies, etc. The Self is the awareness which underlies all the experiences of the mind and the senses. Attachment means clinging to these as a way of establishing an identity-in-the-world, i.e. “ego.” Non-attachment doesn’t so much mean eschewing material possessions as releasing our elaborately constructed and highly defended ego-identities. "The self,” writes Deepak Chopra, “is the isolated ego clinging to its small reality and the Self is the unbounded spirit that can afford to not cling at all."

A healthy, “natural” lifestyle is part of the yogic path. However adopted a healthy lifestyle is just a supportive measure. It can also become just another set of products for the ego to consume. So can nonviolent politics, environmentalism, etc. Yoga “apparel,” props, mats, etc. support yoga practice but also can be used to support a “yoga ego.” The ego can use anything to maintain itself, and in so doing undermine any real potential for change. As a vegetarian I have spent time with fellow converts talking about how disgusting other people who eat meat are. In terms of our consciousness we might have just as well been devouring bloody flesh. Even the idea that “we are all one” can get in the way of realizing our essential being. Consumer beware!

The world of the mind and senses is the world of appearances. In Vedantic terms it is referred to as maya, or illusion. The Self is the awareness which underlies all appearances. It is pure consciousness, pure subject. It can never be found as an object of the senses or of thought. Words can refer to it but they cannot capture it. It is revealed in silence only to have been here all along. All of the practices of yoga, all spiritual sadhanas, are aimed at helping us to let go of the unreal to rest in the reality of being. In Buddhist terms this is referred to as emptiness. It is empty because when you look for it you can’t find anything. Even space is not as empty. On the other hand, it is not “nothing.” It is the source and substance of everything.

The Self, emptiness, consciousness, God, or whatever word we choose to call it, is not another product in the supermarket of life. If you take it home, unwrap it and find out that it is than you have fallen for another counterfeit. It is the divinity within you. It is the “I” behind the ego. You are “It.”

Because our minds are conditioned by karma, by culture, by the media, education and what not to look outside of ourselves, it is very difficult at first to remain established in the realization of the Self, at least for many of us. I received “darshan” of Swami Amritananda on a couple of occasions. The objective world dissolved into light in which there was no separate “me.” I could only stand it for a second before going into weird spasms of ecstasy. On one occasion I ran out into the street into fresh hot asphalt that burnt itself into my bare feet, but I was oblivious. Love is like that. We run away from what is real because it threatens everything that we think we are. Surrender seems so hard but it brings freedom. Once we are free we can stroll through the supermarket with a smile. When the clerk asks, “Can I help you?” Just say, “No thanks. I’m just looking.”

The source of consciousness cannot be an object in consciousness. To know the source is to be the source. When you realize that you are not the person, but the pure and calm witness, and that fearless awareness is your very being, you are the being. It is the source, the Inexhaustible Possibility.

- Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

Self-Discipline

If you want to generate electricity from a river, first you have to construct a dam to control the normal flow, ensuring that it becomes a source of greater potential energy. You do not block the passage of water or dry up the river, rather you create more power. That controlled and guided action is sanyam.


Real yoga is sanyam . . .

- Swami Niranjanananda Saraswati



The Yoga tradition tells us that we have a tremendous dormant potential within us that few of us ever realize. This is the potential of consciousness, of the awakened mind. Our ordinary mental state is not very awakened. In fact, it is most often dull and sleepy. We live a great deal of our lives on autopilot, simply following the promptings of our subconscious conditioning. Awakening our dormant potential requires a certain type of self-discipline.

This discipline is outlined in the Yoga Sutras as the “eight limbs,” ashtanga, of Yoga. These include 1) self-restraints or yama and 2) self-cultivation, niyama, 3) posture or asana, 4) breath control, pranayama, 5) disciplined introversion, pratyahara, 6) focused awareness, dharana, 7) true meditation, dhyana and 8) the awakening of non-dual awareness in samadhi. People are generally acquainted with yoga postures and the practice of meditation. However, many don’t know about the ethical discipline of yama and niyama in which we must be grounded in order to make true progress on the path of Yoga.

Quite honestly, for many of us it takes painful experience to learn the value of these practices. They are not arbitrary rules laid down by a punishing deity, as much as practical guidelines for a lifestyle which enhances equanimity and consciousness. They are a means of cultivating inner peace and self-acceptance rather than something to feel guilt about. Swami Satyananda suggested a gradual approach to these disciplines which allows for human weakness. We can start by becoming aware of how many times we habitually violate the yamas and niyamas. In time, it is not a matter of feeling morally superior but experiencing the inner peace which comes from mastering one’s energy. These practices will enhance your self-confidence, interpersonal relationships, career, finances and connection with God.

The practices of yama are fivefold and are thus often referred to as the five yamas. They are 1) Ahimsa – nonviolence, 2) Satya – truthfulness, 3) Asteya – refraining from stealing, 4) Brahmacharya – sexual restraint, 5) Aparigraha – non-possessiveness. According to Patanjali, the mastery of each of these disciplines develops certain powers and abilities within us. Remember the yamas are guidelines rather than rigid rules. We don’t need to become fanatics. Awareness is a good place to start. Become aware of how often you have angry violent thoughts and emotions, how often you are tempted to tell lies (i.e. gossip) or take something that doesn’t belong to you. Notice how often you fantasize about sex and how attached you are to possessions. Each of these habits drains our energy and diverts the focus of our minds from the path of self-evolution. By becoming aware of them we take them out of the realm of subconscious patterns into the light of consciousness. Change starts with self-awareness and self-acceptance.

Niyama is also fivefold and these are referred to as the five niyamas. They are 1) Shaucha – cleanliness, 2) Santosha – contentment, 3) Tapas – austerity, 4) Swadhyaya – study of the self, 5) Ishwarapranidhana – complete surrender to the will of God. While the yamas are concerned with self-restraint the niyamas are concerned with the cultivation of positive spiritual qualities. Again, we don’t want to become fanatics. Cleanliness doesn’t mean we have to be obsessive-compulsive. Contentment doesn’t mean we have to become like sheep. Instead we can become more aware of our personal and environmental cleanliness and reduce our cravings by learning to be present with each moment. Austerity doesn’t mean self-torture but perhaps an ability to accept the conditions we are in without running for comfort.

Swadhyaya is often understood as the study of scriptures which elucidate the nature of the self. However these only have value in that we use them as guidelines for our own practice of self-observation. Self study means being able to observe, analyze and accept all aspects of ourselves.

Ishwarapranidhana is a powerful and difficult practice. It means releasing our need to control things and allowing a higher power, wisdom and love to guide us. Surrender is not a passive process but requires an active attempt to release the ego’s need to be in control.

Yama and niyama work together as do all of the eight limbs of Yoga. They support our practice and help us to develop inner peace and focus. They help us to develop sanyam which really means the complete integration of our personalities. Usually we are conflicted within ourselves. We are subject to unconscious drives which we try to suppress, deny, rationalize or otherwise defend against. At the same time we strive towards ideals which seem to make us into hypocrites at times. The dedicated practice of the integral limbs of Yoga is designed to bring about a transformation of the personality. It requires consistent dedication as well as nonattachment to results. We can’t change a lifetime of habits overnight, let alone many lifetimes worth.